The One And Only

My dear friend who describes herself as a ‘reluctant mother of two’, recently asked if Campbell and I were planning on having any more children.  I answered truthfully - I was not sure.  She looked at me gravely and said that ‘having one child is like travelling through life as a couple - only with an added bonus.  Having two children is like running a crèche with your ex’. 

She was of course joking, but it did raise a salient point – are we going to have any more children?

Since Leo was born, Campbell and I have been asked daily when we will be having another.  It is a bizarre thing to ask  brand new parents who are already try to cope with the enormity of having one child, let alone two.

A couple of months ago, Time Magazine had a fascinating article about only children.  It explained that the image of The Only Child as the selfish, spoiled, demanding brat was defined by an early psychological researcher named Granville Stanley Hall.  He had conducted study in 1895 ‘Of Perculiar and Exceptional Children’ where he concluded that ‘being an only child is a disease in itself’.  Of course this extreme opinion has since been hugely discredited, but the seed is sown in our society that only children are somewhat misfits.

I am vehemently against this view.  This is because (of course) I am an only child.  I don’t consider myself unusual in the least and truly believe I do not appear like an only child.  I have never felt that I am particularly spoilt, and equate my demand for attention with having been an actress, rather than my lack of siblings.  I had a great childhood.  I was very happy, had many friends and felt completely secure.  And being the only one allowed me to be the sole focus  of my parents economically.  I was able to go to a good school, travel extensively with my mother and father and never wanted for a thing.

But did I miss out in other ways?  My husband is technically an only child, but is also one of nine.  He has eight half-siblings, but considers them full brothers and sisters and cares for them all deeply.  He see them often and they are firmly ingrained in our lives.  There are the inevitable arguments between them, but primarily there is a huge unconditional love and trust.  They are a large sprawling family who adore each other, like only siblings can.  

I have absolutely no understanding of this (though it must be said they have all gone out of their way to bring me into the fold as the British sister they never had).

Only children are on the rise.  Economics are partly to blame. China’s One Child Policy has meant that the word ‘cousin’ no longer appears to exist.  Do I want Leo to grow up having the best of everything material yet missing something familial?

I really cannot decide. 

But then I don’t have to right now either.   He is only 4 months old and I still have a few more years in me yet.  Until we make a decision we have the next best thing – in three weeks time, we are moving next door to my husband’s sister and her family.  Leo will be able to see his beloved cousin Ruby everyday -he may not have a sibling yet, but she will make a pretty wonderful substitute.